Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Randomize
