i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
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