Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Randomize
