The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
