Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize