she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
Randomize
