wakey wakey hands off snakey
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
Randomize
