You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
It's official drugs can't kill me
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
Randomize
