we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
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