i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
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