he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize