fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
