i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
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