I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
Randomize
