I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
Randomize
