ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
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