i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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