dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
Randomize
