Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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