I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
