It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
I came so hard my ears popped.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
Randomize
