No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
