I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
I love you.
Bad choice
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize
