That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
