And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
Randomize
