There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
Randomize
