I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
Everything about him screamed your future.
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
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