Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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