I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
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