mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Randomize
