he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
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