I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
