Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
Randomize
