I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
time to smoke my breakfast
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
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