once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
I came so hard my ears popped.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize
