Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
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