im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
Randomize