I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
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