I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
Randomize
