I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Randomize
