My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
we made out on top of his cat.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
Randomize
