he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
Is her dick bigger than yours?
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
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