your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
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