fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
Randomize
