Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
