dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Randomize
