so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Randomize
