JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
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