I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
Randomize