I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
