Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Randomize
