If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
as a side note pls kill me
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