1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
We had sex on a dog bed..
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
Randomize