Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
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