Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
