if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
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