the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
You've changed since you got that strap on
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
Randomize
