When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
If that guy asks u bout me, I said my name is Jenelle, from CT, I'm a cat behiavor consultant and I'm 29. Back my story up
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
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