Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
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