I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
Randomize
