i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
