I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
Randomize
