my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize
