i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
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