Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
Randomize
