Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
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