Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
Randomize