Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
We're not piercing ourselves today.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
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