it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
Randomize
