Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
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