I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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