You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
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