When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
