Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
People with herpes should wear stickers.
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
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