Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
Randomize
