Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
im six kinds of drunk right now
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
Randomize
