...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
Randomize
